Stop Your Triggers In Their Tracks
Hey there friend. Thank you for hanging out with me today. It is an honor to have your ears. A couple weeks ago, we talked about my three step process for regulating triggers.
1. Stop
2. Stillness
3. Surrender.
I shared what each of these meant and how I have used these recently in a trigger moment that I have had. If you are new here, it would be best to go back and listen to those previous episodes so you know exactly what I'm talking about with this three step process. And even further, if you are needing more support with triggers, go back even a number of episodes, because I have recorded quite a few now on triggers.
But this three step process that I'm talking about: stop, stillness, surrender. It's great, but how do you apply it in your life? How do you take this and use it? You can't just expect, in the next trigger moment that you have, you can't expect yourself to just automatically be able to go into, stop, stillness, surrender. You have to prepare and plan so that you are ready when the next trigger strikes.
For example, I can’t expect myself just to walk into the kitchen and whip up an elaborate meal when I've never cooked before in my life, right? We have to practice if we want to be good at something. We need to practice so that instinct takes over. So that is the same thing with triggers. Because in the moment, when a trigger hits, it's too late. If you're not ready, your mind is gonna be frazzled. It's gonna be a mess, and you're gonna say, “ohh yeah, what was the first step again? What am I doing? Oh, gosh, OK, I'm freaking out.”
It just doesn't work. So what we have to do is plan and prepare while you're calm. So what I would do if I were you, this is something I have used a number of times. And it's actually something I learned using with my oldest daughter. We have needed to work on regulating emotions. And there are tools to regulate emotions, kind of like what we're talking about with triggers. The same thing was told to us. We cannot expect her to just utilize these tools if she doesn't practice them when she's calm. So we would practice her tools when she's calm, over and over and over again. Even as the parent, because when I would be in a situation with her and her emotions were firing through the roof, it made me fluster too. And then I couldn't think of the steps I was supposed to follow. So that is the same thing here.
Give yourself a little grace. Give yourself a little credit. So don't put yourself down. If whenever you're having those moments of anxiety and panic, that you're thinking, “ohh,I just can't do this. I'm no good at it.” That's not the truth. The truth is, you just haven't practiced yet. So keep that in mind. You're not gonna be expected to quilt if you've never quilted before in your life. If you've never played a sport, you can't expect to just be able to do it, and especially in a stressful situation, that's not fair.
So first of all, give yourself a little bit of grace. Don't put yourself down. Just prepare. Allow yourself to prepare. I’ll help you do this now.
This is an action step that you should do for this episode. Get out a journal or a piece of paper and write down the three steps of working through a trigger moment.
Write down: 1. Stop
Leave some space underneath that to journal out your plan.
Write down: 2. Stillness
Leave some space under stillness to write.
Write down: 3. Surrender
Leave some space there.
Go back up to number one and ask yourself, in moments when you are starting to spiral and unravel, what do you need to tell yourself? What is a good thing for you to say after you “stop”? What is something you can add to this that will really get your attention to snap yourself out of the harmful talk? Write down what would best be suited for you to jar you out of the spiral and get your mind focused on that “stop”. Go journal out your thoughts now.
#2 is stillness. Stillness can be anything. What's your plan for stillness? Are you gonna take 5 deep breaths? Are you gonna say a prayer? Are you actually going to go for a walk? Are you gonna do a yoga pose that’s really relaxing or makes you feel really grounded in the moment? You need to choose something. What is your stillness?
You're probably gonna need to give yourself some options for when you are in a public place versus at home. Obviously, I don't think you're gonna wanna break out into a yoga pose in the buffet line or the Target line. Maybe you don't want to, but maybe you do. That's OK. I would like to see that, actually. So go ahead and do that. But have those options for when you are home and when you are away for “stillness”. A lot of times, it’s going to have to be something you choose to say to yourself. And actually being able to be still. That's why I like doing deep breaths. Journal your plan for “stillness”.
#3 is surrender. My surrender is, I like to say, “God is in control. If He is for me, who can be against me”? I like to do that. I surrender my control to God. I don't need to figure out anything in this situation. This situation, the trigger is not in control of me. I'm not even in control. That feels kinda good sometimes when you're grasping for control, to realize it's not really attainable, like it's not really yours to have, but it's not your trigger’s either. Give it to God.
Write down what your plan is for surrendering. Is there a certain Bible verse you'd like to say? Is there a certain prayer you'd like to say? Would you just like to say, “Jesus”. Hold me Jesus. Hold my hand. Or just “Jesus”. When you say His name, you will feel His presence.
Write down what your plan is. It doesn't have to be long and laborious. This needs to be something that's actionable and something that's realistic. Something that you're actually gonna be able to implement.
When you have that written down, go through it. Go through the steps in real time. However long it would take you, try to visualize yourself in that situation at a trigger moment. Visualize yourself saying “stop”, and then run through what your plan is with “stop”. Stop spiraling. Stop over catastrophizing. Stop doing the harmful habit.
And then 2 is stillness. And 3 is surrender. Read through what you’ve journaled. Go through it. And once you get to the stillness, practice it out. Actually go through the motions. If it entails physically doing something, do it. You have to go through the motions when you're calm, if you expect instinct to take over when you’re not calm. You have to do this now.
I coach my daughter's third grade basketball team and it's a lot of fun. My dad used to coach me in basketball for many years. And when we were young, he would always say, “you play like you practice”. And I love that so much. It's kind of this mantra for life, really. For the longest time, I thought it only pertained to basketball or sports, because playing and practicing is sports, right? But this is the game of life, folks. You need to practice living too. I know it sounds crazy, but it's the truth. So you play like you practice friend.
You get your play set up. You have your strategy. Your strategy and a trigger moment to regulate yourself. Stop. Stillness. Surrender. Get that down on paper. Practice it as many times as you need. When I was working with my daughter on her tools, we had to do these things. I think it was twice a day for at least two weeks. And you need to do something routine like that in order for it to become a habit and for the instinct to kick in like a snap of a finger. You can just initiate. It's ready to go. I got my tools ready to go. That is what I want you to do. To take the information from a couple episodes ago. This is how to really apply it to your life and to utilize it, to set it up as a tool. For you and your game of life.
If there is any aspect of the 3 step process you have any questions on, feel free to reach out to me. I would love to hear your plans for implementing these tools into your life. What did you write underneath, Stop, Stillness and Surrender? What are your things that you're gonna go to? What's gonna work for you? Share that with me, I'd love to hear it. We can all help each other out here. It's not like I don't have triggers anymore. I have triggers all the time. This is my process for not letting it take over my day and ruin my day. Alright, friend, you have a great day. You can tackle this. You got it. Practice it. Practice it. Practice it. You play like you practice. Bye.
